Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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