arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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