I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
