All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
