Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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