A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Holy shit dude........stairs
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