oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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