I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
