I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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