Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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