i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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