dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
