She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
