Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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