I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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