You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
