I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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