I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
