i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
