But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
