too bad you live with your parents still
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
