So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize