Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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