Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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