I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ugly people sure do ruin things
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
