So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just pee around me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
