Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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