OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
