How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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