Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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