maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize