:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
