I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
