There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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