Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
