she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my liver is dry heaving
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
