It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
