You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
