...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
