But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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