Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize