I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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