When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I enjoy the company of your penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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