Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
