I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize