does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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