Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
