I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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