I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
