Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
