My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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