There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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