It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
