we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
