Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
