you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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