Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
