Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
