Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there was a trapeze. enough said
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost the right to judge tonight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
