i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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