theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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