I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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