you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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