don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
