i permit you to call me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
