hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
