even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize