Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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