i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
