wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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