I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
