so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
