The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
