I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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