Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
