sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
