listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
