Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
