Plan B is the new Plan A
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
