I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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