People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
