sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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