i permit you to call me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
