At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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