i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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