ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
