trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize