You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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