dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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