I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
