Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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