He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
