I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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