he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
