I am spending my child support on dildos
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize