The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
