"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
