Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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