Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
