he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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