Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
