what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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