Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
