so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize