nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
